Talking to your parents about assisted living can never be easy. Relocating to senior living housing is often perceived as a severe blow to any elder’s freedom. Many seniors don’t like this topic as they’re afraid of being kicked out of their homes.
While relocation can become a huge challenge, assisted living can positively impact the senior’s independence, boost their social life and help them with daily living chores.
This article has options you can utilize when you’re about to hold a conversation with your parents about their need to transition to an assisted living facility.
1. Find Senior Living Housing Options
Before starting this conversation, first look into the options available for living settings and their levels of care. Senior living housing features may vary from one state to the next; therefore, be keen to research alternatives in the state your parents live or may want to move to.
For instance, Assisted Living Facilities (ALFs) are frequently called residential care facilities for the elderly in California.
2. Make the Assisted Living Topic an Ongoing Discussion
Bring up this topic early on while the seniors are still able to live safely by themselves. This will give you sufficient time to discuss the future in a hypothetical, non-threatening way.
This way, your parents will be less likely to end up feeling that their kids are ganging up against them. Instead, “the talk” can be perceived as an advancing procedure where everyone’s view can be thought through, but there is no need to implement anything at the moment.
You should bring the discussion up in a casual and comfortable area such as at the kitchen table. The introduction is crucial so be cautious in your approach as it could turn them off or give them a wrong impression.
Start with something like, “this is very difficult for me to talk about, but I assure you that I respect your wishes. Make sure they understand that no conclusions are necessary today, but you want them to keep this in mind and the only purpose of the conversation is for preparing for the future.”
3. Keep them in the Discussions
Everyone would like to have the privilege of choosing their living location and the kind of care they get. If your parents are in good enough health, invite them to accompany you on a tour of senior living housing or to see friends and relatives who have already made the transition.
Seeing these settings in person, and having a sense of how they work, and chatting frankly with existing residents about their perspectives would be pretty beneficial when selecting an assisted living facility.
4. Give Senior Living Housing Options in the Perfect Tone
One strategy to see such conversations go almost always trouble-free is by putting yourself in your loved ones shoes.
Always pick positive and non-threatening words while speaking about senior living housing. For example, instead of referring to assisted living as a “facility,” you can use “community.”
Instead of “rooms,” talk about “condo-style living.” Discuss the activities, utilities, and social privileges instead of the personal care.
Also, check on the tone of voice you’re using while touching on this issue. Try to speak in a calm and pleasant tone. This will make your parents feel that they’re in charge and the ultimate decision depends on their preference.
By being respectful, the conversation will appear as a typical two-way conversation and not a lecture. Pay attention to and acknowledge their emotions. The more a person feels unheard, the louder they will talk and the more furious they will get. Don’t respond in loud tones or you could end up in a yelling fight, which never ends well.
5. Know and Understand the “What-Ifs.”
If both parents are still alive and well, try to figure out what will happen if one of them passes away. Should they sell their house? Should the survivor downsize or relocate to a senior living community?
This aspect of “the talk” can be challenging and heartbreaking. Still, it can help you understand your parents’ aspirations for each other and illuminate what they have previously spoken about between themselves. Clarify that this is an uncomfortable possibility to ponder on, but that your purpose is to learn what they desire for each other. Try something like, “Mom and Dad, both of you are fine right now, but what would you wish to do if that changes?”
In the worst-case scenario, ask each of them what they would wish for the other person. They would, presumably, wish their partner to be safe, well-cared for, and financially secure. Inquire about ways you may help to ensure these goals are realized.
6. Understand Why Your Elderly Parent Wants to Stay At Home
Elders may not articulate it, but most fear that it will likely be their final home if they move to senior living housing. Even if they can’t express it or confess it to themselves, their fundamental reason for being reluctant to relocate is because they believe they will die there.
Even if they know it’s the proper thing to do and is beneficial for them, it is often tricky to admit that you’re nearing the end of life. Keeping their worries in mind will allow you to answer their inquiries and respond to their criticisms more effectively throughout these sessions.
Brainstorm options available for enabling them to stay in their home longer, such as employing in-home care or attending adult day programs.
Remind them that moving to assisted living does not imply they would lose control of their everyday lives. After moving in, most seniors discover that they have more free time for activities they like since cleaning, laundry, and food are all taken care of.
7. Research About the Illness Progression
If your elderly parent has a chronic medical condition, like heart failure, Parkinson’s disease, or dementia, read about how it will proceed. Some age-related disorders can substantially influence a senior’s capacity to stay at home and make educated relocation decisions.
Convey what you’ve discovered from their doctor or via your study, and talk about how the services provided by specific long-term care facilities can benefit them in six months, a year, 18 months, and so on.
If an elder has a growing chronic ailment, it’s common for them to be transferred to different facilities that offer more intensive care as they age.
Tips for Better Conversations With Your Elderly Parents
Following these suggestions will help you have a constructive conversation once you’ve studied the available options for your elderly parents::
- Hold the conversation as soon as possible. Instead of waiting for a health catastrophe to push the subject, addressing this tough decision early will assist all of you to settle on a decision and begin planning with much less stress.
- If at all possible, hold the talk in person. If you can get together for a physical talk, that’s fantastic—if not, schedule a video call. Make an effort to arrange a time when both you and your parents are well-rested and calm. Set aside a time and a location where you will not be interrupted.
- Most importantly, your loved one may be anxious, concerned, or hesitant to leave their home and move into a retirement community. Don’t downplay their emotions. It’s critical to recognize them and keep asking questions so you can understand their concerns. This will demonstrate that you will honor their preferences.
- Accepting in-home care or relocating to assisted living is a difficult decision—demonstrate empathy, not sympathy.
No parent wants their adult kid to feel sorry for them. On the other hand, your polite, calm speech and behavior will demonstrate that you empathize — and that you’re attempting to comprehend their concerns and worries. You’ll be of help when you start to listen.
- Don’t be hasty. You may feel ready to decide once you’ve equipped yourself with data, but your parents may require more time to digest the reality. Give them the time they need to find the words to communicate their emotions. Coming to an unhurried mutual agreement now will pay benefits as you move forward together.
- Make plans to talk over and over again. As much as you may wish to conclude a single session, the fact is that this will most probably be a series of conversations. That’s OK unless your elderly relative is in urgent danger. It’s not a one-time issue.
- Endeavor to schedule a visit to a community. Showing your loved one what a community is like, whether in person or virtually, is one of the best methods to soothe fears about relocating.
This allows customers to obtain a sense of the lifestyle, facilities, culture, and sort of neighbors they’re likely to have.
- Remember, it is their choice. Unless your parents are mentally incompetent, they’ve got the right to choose whether or not to live in a care facility. You should express your worries out of love for them; however, the final decision is theirs.
Be Patient With Your Elderly Parents
Lastly, be cautious of “discussion flooding.” Sharing some basic facts at the outset might be beneficial, but flooding the talk with statistics and figures can be burdensome.
Even worse, when individuals are overwhelmed they might become defensive. Defensiveness could quickly interrupt a conversation, making it difficult to restart later.
Feel free to contact Cypress Assisted Living if you or your parents have any questions about senior living housing.