Many seniors prefer aging in their homes instead of assisted living. There is security and a sense of belonging found only in your home. So it’s understandable that seniors love staying in their homes.
The downside of aging at home is that there may be no one to offer the help needed for the seniors. In most cases, your elderly parents will refuse senior living options, so you need to find a way to solve this problem.
According to a survey conducted on seniors aged 70 and above, an average of two out of ten Americans admitted that they either couldn’t accomplish daily tasks without help and that they also couldn’t live independently.
As much as seniors may wish to live independently, their capabilities may gradually become limited. Below are some actions you can take when your elderly parent refuses assisted living.
1. Seek Legal Support
In some situations, it may be necessary for you to seek outside help. For instance, if your parent adamantly refuses assisted living but is in a bad state, you may need legal support.
You can consult an elder care lawyer to get advice on what to do. The lawyer may advise you to seek guardianship or recommend a geriatric social worker who can step in and rescue the situation.
Although your loved one may not take this well and maybe be hurt and angry, this is a better option than to leave them on their own.
Seniors may sustain serious life-changing injuries if someone doesn’t look after them. They can even hurt others, for instance, in a car accident.
The conversation about senior living doesn’t have to be difficult or painful. If you’ve made up your mind about helping your elderly parents acquire the support they require, you can check out tips that’ll help you change the tone of the conversation and persuade them to get on board.
2. Find Another Approach
If you’ve reached a dead end after trying a specific approach several times, you should change tactics. You shouldn’t give the same talk repeatedly. Below are a few strategies to adopt:
- Emphasize the perks of senior living like easier socialization and more independence.
- Instead of expressing fear and frustration, try showing love and concern.
- Ask your loved ones politely to explore some options with you. This approach puts them in control rather than telling them what they have to do.
You should also consider getting feedback from those you trust—find out if you’re too controlling, pushy or if you’re applying a mediocre approach. Then change your tactics accordingly.
3. Know and Understand the ADLs
The elderly have to independently accomplish basic routines at home to keep their physical wellbeing in check.
The activities of daily living (ADLs) include dressing, ambulating (moving or walking independently), personal hygiene (dental hygiene, hair care, bathing), eating, and toileting.
The instrumental activities of daily living (IADLs) need more advanced thinking skills. The IADLs include medication, managing finances, and communication like mail and phone. Other IADLs are managing grocery shopping, organizing transportation, and home maintenance.
Older parents who show signs of slowing down require help to keep up a high quality of life. There is an option of adjusting living conditions. Families need to talk about senior living facilities or home care which is the ideal option.
4. Be Gracious and Honest
Taking care of seniors isn’t easy as it takes a toll on your life—marriage, career, health, wellbeing, interests, and activities. You need to be open with your loved ones and tell them your limitations as much as you’d like to look after them and respond to any emergencies.
Opening up and sharing your own experience can strengthen the bond between you and your loved one. Being candid can also prevent the build-up of resentment and tension. Ensure you’re compassionate and kind while airing out your views.
5. Find Some Expert Advice
In most cases, people are easily persuaded if the information is delivered by a professional or expert. If you want help convincing seniors about the advantages of a retirement community, you can bring in a religious leader, social worker, or a physician to intervene.
Seniors may be more receptive to professionals, and they can give comprehensive explanations to any concerns. You should involve an objective third-party mediator if you feel like the discussions with your parents are becoming difficult.
You can also share some articles and books with your loved ones to research some issues on their own.
6. Be Patient
Your senior parents will likely resist the prospect of going to assisted living. In case this happens, remember that this conversation may take several weeks or months.
It’s worth noting that stubborn seniors have similar behaviors to adolescents rebelling against their parents, according to Barbara Kranne, the co-author of “Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent,” a guide for children who are stressed out.
Some of the coping mechanisms you have to endure are yelling and stepping out of a conversation. Despite all these, you should not despair. Be patient and stay calm.
7. Make the Process Slow and Listen
Seniors have reasons for refusing long-term care services or assisted living. Aging can be slightly scary, more so if it’s accompanied by diminishing mobility and cognitive impairment.
Nobody enjoys admitting they can’t do the things they were able to do in their past. Some seniors may be anxious about leaving their home full of memories shared with a deceased spouse.
Beginning the process by convincing your loved ones that senior living is a need won’t guarantee success.
Instead, you should listen more and understand, even though that may take a lot of time. Reassure them gently that you want to acknowledge their concerns and offer them the empathy and validation they deserve.
8. Understand the Pros and Cons
Go through the benefits of assisted living, especially if the older person is social. Explain to the senior that assisted living facilities accommodate people they can participate in activities and share meals with. A social senior will give a listening ear to the conversation about a communal environment.
Contrarily, a more private older adult will choose a home environment. Home care is a standard living arrangement for seniors who prefer a more private lifestyle. Professional in-home caregivers are trained to offer customized care services that are highly beneficial to seniors.
Home care provides an equal level of customized services, like assisted living facilities with physical therapies, medical doctors, and other onsite activities.
Caregivers take the seniors to doctor’s offices and therapies. Companion caregivers initiate conversations and stimulate games.
9. Get to Honest Discussions
Families should begin candid discussions with the seniors as soon as possible. Ask them about their living preferences in case of any unanticipated health crisis like hip fracture or stroke, which may prevent them from staying alone at home.
Present to them all the options available. If an assisted living facility is unpleasant to them, suggest home care as a better alternative. In-home care setup, the seniors have the chance to continue staying at home while receiving professional support from in-home caregivers.
You should get ready to handle resistance from an older parent regarding the idea of assisted living. Remember that transitions to these facilities are often a result of a transformative event in life, like financial difficulties, the death of a partner, or physical challenges in maintaining the home.
To have successful conversations, you should be sensitive and back off temporarily. Listen to the opinions of the seniors and consider their feelings. A great strategy is to raise the topic of assisted living, back off temporarily, and then get back to discussions.
10. Give Your Loved Ones Several Options
A senior is more likely to be rebellious or stubborn if they feel cornered. You need to approach the discussion with an open mind and an attitude that suggests that you want to help them explore the available options and pick a feasible one.
The idea of presenting your elderly loved ones with options for caregiving services and assisted living reinforces their autonomy and independence. It also gives them the confidence to critically evaluate their lifestyle goals and needs and determine the steps to achieve the desired quality of life.
11. Understand Your Parents’ Motivation
Aging is a challenging process for almost everybody. Most seniors have mental health issues, anxiety, depression, or dementia. You can communicate with them better by telling them that they require assistance by incorporating their feelings.
According to Suzanne Modigliani, a Massachusetts-based life care specialist working with families to solve elder care problems, it is beneficial to acknowledge that your elderly parent’s autonomy is significant. The life care specialist recommends some key questions you can ask yourself about the behavior of your parents.
- Do they have dementia, or are they confused?
- Are they showing signs of anxiety or depression?
- Are they acting in a particular way out of habit?
- Do they fear losing their independence?
- What could they be fearing?
12. Find Outside Support
An objective third party may come in handy when you need to convince your elderly parents of the necessity to transition to an assisted living facility.
Families may bring in outside support from people they trust, like a family physician or pastor. You can involve the relatives who influence your parents.
In some cases, you may resort to asking for help from an elder care lawyer. A seasoned lawyer has a network of connections, including social workers who can offer support to seniors. The lawyer can also advise you to seek guardianship.
Since change is inevitable, it is so frightening for many people, including seniors. An older parent who has resided in the same home for a long time may experience an extreme emotional reaction to transitioning to places like assisted living facilities.
An elderly parent may also be frightened of the physical aspect of relocating to an assisted living center.
Seniors need plenty of support and constant assurance to make a move successful. You should also reassure them that family members will always be involved in their lives.
Aging Can Be Scary, Be Humane
Since aging can be scary, you should handle the seniors with care. Give them gentle reassurance regularly to alleviate their fears about losing their function.
A calm environment can prevent them from feeling frustrated, helpless, guilty, or angry. To make progress with your loved ones, you need to understand that seniors refusing care is expected.
You should never tell your elderly parents that they are disabled and will continue losing function. Instead, make them feel important and loved despite their loss of function. Validation and empathy are very vital in this stage.